It was a dark and stormy night,
far distant from a busy, seething, and searing galactic heart,
tenuously tied to a fragile and increasingly vaporous region of
a minor arm, and before an average sun reached the peak of its
brilliance and warmth, that the earth finally cooled enough to
accommodate the explosion of unicellular life that, being perhaps
unique in a violently fierce, unforgiving, and mushrooming universe,
contented itself with serenely oxidizing trace elements and transporting
microscopic vacuoles to the most convenient landfill, to be later
mined by another organism more amenable to an anaerobic environment,
unaware that, in the not too distant future, would be taxonomically
shackled within the Phylum Nutcase.
Immortality reigned. Vigorous specimens fissioned passionately.
Identical cells floated in concert, metabolizing the infinite
primal soup. All was peaceful. Nothing happened. For eons.
Then, the Great Extinction came, obviously caused by The Great
Boredom, and life was crushed, scrambled, gutted and smothered,
clear down to its basic components, on the brink of toxic annihilation
forever. Luckily (or, by design; your call), an anonymous cerebral
spore chose to change the previous mode of hanging out, complicated
the organic rules with a few giggle-worthy and innovative monkey
wrenches which, against all common sense, proved to be wildly
successful, and so, now, here we are.
Immortality, however, had become the punchline of an increasingly
fascinating and labyrinthine joke. Things were born, as always,
and they died. But, not right away, no. Armed with what is commonly
referred to as a 'lifespan', distinct and individual organisms
would variously tread their own path, but had in common the overwhelming
and myriad challenges normally classified as 'youth', 'maturity',
and 'dotage', which brings me to the core of this narrative.
As the cusp of geezerhood reared up ominously from within the
passing lane of life, like an angry and portentous pustule of
decrepitude, His Hubbiness and I decided to swerve quickly onto
the off ramp of glee, known as 'retirement'. Grasping our signed,
notarized sales contract, cashier's check, and paid-off realty
broker, we've sold our business, strapped tail lights to our butt-cheeks,
waved bye-bye, and are embarking on vague adventures into unknown
and uncharted territory.
Even as the knowledge of vivid and satisfying experiences lie
mostly in the past rather than the future (Sits on porch in rocking
chair. Rocks.), the imagination soars, as previous protracted
limitations upon freedom are blessedly dispensed with (crams Cheetos
into face with both hands). Financial caution, of course, is
a well tended reality (Rings Doug Herzog's doorbell. Runs away.),
and we have pledged to avoid blowing our life's savings on the
slots in Vegas, though earning 5.25% isn't exactly a thrill a
minute either. (Ride around on boat at Lake Powell. Wheeeeee!
Come back).
New and necessary perspectives take place slowly (Visit progeny
in N. Dakota. Wheeeeee! Come back). Creative endeavors present
themselves via muses tailored to and honed by practice and disposition
(Considers updating stale website. Tomorrow). Entertaining and
harmless amusements are strewn like confetti at the launching
of a cruise ship (Thinks of acquiring an arcane skill known as
'housework').
Each moment, formerly freighted with the exigent burden of receiving
a paycheck is now cherished and blossoms with fodder for fun (Sees
'Pearl Harbor'. Attempts to build up immunity to Ben Affleck.
Fails). Assumed obligations become voluntary, and are embraced
with joy (Sees new Vin Diesel flic. Rumored that he gets naked.
He doesn't. Bah.), as each proves that our higher functions
remain nominal (Receives missive from AARP. Coupon for Depends.
Ponders the upside to senility).
In conclusion, I declare that a cerebral spore of possibilities
has found a happy home, and who knows what unmapped mutation will
spring forth to surprise and awe? I live. I dance. Here in
the misty boondocks and darkling fragments of the galaxy, I laugh.
May you know the same.