(somewhere in downtown Los Angeles
and it's surrounding environs, a
secret cabal meets to gain their revenge. On a lonely and dim-lit
stage, a troll-like evil figure, hunched and drooling, knuckles
skimming
the floor, slithers to the podium)
"Hi, I'm Doug Herzog."
(sounds of grunts and scratching of armpits from attendant FOX execs)
"Yes, the God of FOX, that's
me. As my last act before being
unceremoniously stabbed with a Husquvarna up the butt-crack, I'm
going
to get my revenge on that whiney vanilla straw-head Chris Carter,
for
his snotty remarks about getting his lousy show canceled. Let's
be
realistic, here."
(hoots and nose-picking as Herzie jerks off; much picking of body lice).
"He thinks he's got it bad?
I'll tell you 'bad'. Me getting *fired* is
*bad*! Me! Those rotten dorks. They were damned lucky I even bothered
to *walk in their direction*, the ingrates. I can't believe they
did
this to me! I was a friggin' cash machine! But
nnnnnnnneeeeeeeeoooooooooo, they had to blame *me* for their stinking
ratings. Me! I'm sick and tired of *everybody's* whining! Only
I have
earned the right to whine!"
(assembled execs jump up and
down on back of seats and urinate on
floor).
"So here's the plan: That
tidy little happy faced Lone Gunman
spin-off? HA. HA. HA. Read this and defecate, Mr. Carter. Yeah,
wake
up and smell the *poopie*! Guess who's locked into a three-year
contract on your next project? KATHY LEE GIFFORD! And she's gonna
SING!"
(all fall down and insanely gibber).